The Response of the Church...

UNB Professor of Sociology Dr. Nancy Nason-Clark’s work on the RAVE (Religion and Violence e-learning) project is about dispelling “the holy hush that often permeates the faith community on the issue of domestic violence.” She tells a story about interviewing religious leaders throughout England. One evening, Nancy had an appointment in a pastor’s home. She caught the train then walked 40 minutes to the house. As she was walking, Nancy felt a little uneasy about the gathering dark and the rain that was beginning to fall. She was glad when she arrived safely at the pastor’s house. The pastor and his wife welcomed Dr. Nason-Clark and they had a great 90-minute interview. As it came time for Nancy to leave, she walked to the door, feeling uneasy about the walk back to the train station. Now it was completely dark and there was a downpour. As she was about to leave, the pastor said, “We are concerned about your safety in this dark and horrible weather.” Nancy was so relieved to hear these words! She came back into their home. The pastor said, “Before you walk to the train station, we want to have a prayer that God would keep you safe and that God would keep you dry.” Nancy left the pastor’s home to walk 40 minutes in darkness to the station feeling unsafe, cold and soaked to the bone. “How easy it is to see the need right under our noses and yet be completely oblivious about how to respond.”


- Sacred Silence, Holy Hush, 1 Nov 2006. www.meckmin.org/newsletter/20061101.pdf

Hitting the Road...

I was recently asked by my best friend of 20 years to go on a trip with her to Boston. A very close friend of hers is dying from cancer and she wants me to go along for moral support. When she asked me, I immediately felt I was supposed to go...but I wasn't sure my finances would let me. The reality is, finances will never be right, they never have been for us and it isn't changing anytime soon with four growing kids....long story short, I'm going! I couldn't imagine not being there for her!

So, during the Remembrance Day weekend, I am taking off for two nights three days. We are driving, yes driving...to Boston where she will meet up with her friend to say her painful goodbyes. In between that, we will talk, laugh, cry and drink lots of coffee!

This trip will be as much for me as it is for her... I need to get away and clear my head...hit the open road and in between conversations, I'll let my mind wander and think things through. Maybe I will come home more like myself...more balanced and clear headed...I want the old me back...not that I mind the me now...but I want more of a balance. I have a lot of decisions to make for the coming year...I need to pray more to be sure that I am doing the right thing as I move forward.

It sure is amazing what a difference a year makes...the fall is definitely a time of transition and hope for me...doors open and doors close...whatever the fall brings...I want to enjoy the many blessings in my life and not let things get me down. That is the old me that I miss!

Blogging Etiquette

Blogging is huge...we love the ease in which we can keep in touch with friends and family, how we can share our lives and meet new people, how we can express ourselves in writing knowing we would never share our stuff with people otherwise.

When I started blogging a couple of years ago, I absolutely loved knowing that no one knew me. I was, and to a large degree still am, a cautious blogger always aware of the strangers that surf the net. I never gave out my last name, never gave out my location, and certainly not my picture. If I posted photos of my kids I would use baby pictures, nothing to identify them.

That all changed a year ago when upon meeting new friends and having them for dinner, we learned that they had posted a video of our Thanksgiving dinner which included our full names, location, our children...everything was online for the world to see. When we found out, we were very uncomfortable with it and kinda freaked out by it...but we never said anything...in part because we hoped no one would ever see it or care! In hindsight, we do regret not asking them to remove it. My husband's co-workers found the video and it made the rounds at his work. He was razzed by them...he felt uncomfortable because he prefers to keep his home life private. I realize that with YouTube, Yahoo and Google video that to many it is no big deal...but it felt weird knowing we are out there in that way since we never would have chosen to do so.

Now every time you go to a dinner, a party, a sporting event, heck even church, people are taking photos...and from what I have been told, it is to be expected that your photo will probably be posted on someones blog for the world to see...or at the least, within your own little world/community. If you are uncomfortable with that or discover that you hate the photo posted of you....do you have the right to ask to have it removed...I've been told it may be considered offensive or controlling because your personal discomfort is infringing on the blog owners creative rights...

So, while blog surfing, I came across a post over at bloggerdygook about said issue and it was a very interesting discussion...plus there is another discussion now going on at Restyled Home, my sister's blog and the consensus on both was that you should be asked before a photo is published of a person or child...especially children. I have no problem with group photos being taken for blogs...but I hate, hate, hate closeups being taken of me no matter how many protests I make, some people ignore that...I have never enjoyed having my picture taken, I freeze and yes, I am my own worst critic! My thought is that the person in the picture should have a say in whether they want that photo of them out there....

So, I am curious...am I off base for feeling this way? Since our family was put out there for all to see, I have relaxed a lot... and that has been a good thing. I enjoy posting photos of my kids, nieces and nephews on my blog...but I still have moments where I feel like to much is out there about myself and my family. Once the door is opened it is hard to close it shut, and in the scheme of things I know my little family is not that important in the big picture. However, I have never posted a photo where I questioned if the person would have any issues with the photo being published...either from personal privacy issues, or maybe it wasn't the most flattering, or maybe I think that they don't want their other friends or family seeing them in that picture....each person has their thing...

I liked what one photographer said on the issue from another article I read...

I know of no respected photographer who didn’t have respect for the subjects s/he photographs. And - even if you aren’t the best photographer in the world - showing respect will get you the respect you need to get a good start in the lion’s den that is Photography.

I think the same is true for blogging...but I could be wrong.

A Crisp Autumn Morning

So, today is one of those beautiful days that demands you get outside to enjoy the fresh air! I'm lucky, my kids don't need to much prodding...when I sat down to drink my morning coffee, I noticed two of them already outside playing basketball. After that, they moved to the back yard and started raking the mountain of leaves that is now covering our yard.

Technically, they should be doing their school work...but that is one of the perks of homeschooling...they can start their work after lunch feeling happy & invigorated and still finish their work for the day.

I have been working on their schedules...I am a bit late getting them done, but I was waiting on some new curriculum and I wanted to spend a lot of time on math and science to get them off to a strong start. Jack my youngest still moans and groans and will do anything to take a break or talk his way of out doing something! I scanned their schedules into the computer but I can't post them...hopefully I will figure out why and get them up.

Wednesday's are busy because Ella has dance lessons and pre-school which she loves! Everytime we head into the building she runs ahead of me...she is so eager to get inside. I love that she loves her new found independence!

SING CLIP

Who am I.....

did you really know me...

did you really care

did you think about my feelings

or assume i'd just be there.


the winds they are a blowing

ripping cobwebs clean

i'll heal from this painful wounding

but the holes will remain

unseen.

Blowing in the wind....

Today we went apple picking as a family. It was technically Ella's first time because she doesn't remember the last time we took her as she was around age two.
It was a beautiful, crisp fall day. We took the ferry over to the Kingston Peninsula and enjoyed all the pretty colours on our way to the farm.

We have been going there since the kids were in pre-school. I took Ben & Sam when Ben was maybe 4 or 5 when he was in Beavers. We used to go yearly and I have some amazing photos showing the kids from one year to the next. I used to organize homeschooling trips to the apple farm but after that ended, a new baby, a move, a sick mother, the falls moved to quickly to winter and we skipped it for a couple of years...maybe even three! So, going apple picking always makes me nostalgic for the times gone by.

So, today I found myself outside in the fresh air, picking apples, taking pictures, munching on apples that can only be described as exploding with pleasure in your mouth, picking pumpkins and the three oldest playing catch with an apple! It was all so idyllic...and it was except...

Except before that, to get there, I had to do soo many things to be ready. Andy slept till 1pm ish...I ran out to get gas in the van, buy cat food, get money, teach & mark math for two kids, go over science, make lunch, clean the kitchen and get a load of laundry on the line and another one started. Then I had to get all those darn recyclables sorted and into the mudroom so that hopefully Andy would get rid of them. I then doggy proofed the house so that maggie our shitty dog wouldn't leave presents in rooms that I didn't want her in.

I only bring this up because by the time we made it into the van, I was feeling cranky...Ben made a joke about it and I then blabbed off all that I had to do so that five other people could sail out the door oblivious. I just felt stupid & bad for complaining. I almost feel stupid for having so much responsibility, like it is something I have done to myself...if I was freer, or relaxed more I could do more for myself...but at this stage of my life "me" time is not readily available and I am fine with that...I am clear on where my priorities lie...and it is with my children and my hardworking hubbie.

Then fast forward to the evening. We went to my sil's to help my brother pull in the raft. After a nice visit we came home and everyone scatters. I had to bath ella...which is no big deal...except I wondered as I scrubbed the tub and washed away all those stray little hairs, does anyone really notice or care about such details...the fact that I do, does that make me nutty? The thought of Ella bathing in a tub that is not freshly scrubbed fills me with dread. Which then led me to think that if I wasn't here would Andy even know to do that...does he realize that it is important for little girls to have nice clean baths with bubbles....


Strange thoughts I know...but it is merely the musing of my little mind...but, it made me realize that I am so lucky, yes lucky to have these stresses, these irritations, when friends such as Stacey-Lynne prays that her little boy will not be afraid or in to much pain when he goes in for yet another painful surgery. Or maybe she worries that her little girls are not being washed in a super clean tub with just the right amount of bubbles...or maybe it is only mummy who can untangle their hair gently and she is far away in Montreal.

Anyways, I realize this post is all over the place...maybe I should be writing this to myself only...because even as I write it I am censoring myself because in reality, I can't say what is on my heart entirely...but so many people struggle. We all have our stuff...and to each of us...it can be heavy. So, I find myself wondering about people and where their at and how their doing or why things change the way they do...but things do change...we all do...and when the winds of change come rolling thru...you need to ride it out. If your lucky, it isn't to much or to painful...or maybe it is only enough to blow the dust off...but you can't stop the wind. So, as I blow about in the wind, I am praying for strength not only for myself but others that I care about...I hope we all have a soft landing when the dust settles.

Heard a great quote tonight..."life doesn't give a damn about our plans...but how we roll with it is what counts!" So true!

Red Whale Coffee Company

The other day after dropping our little girl off at pre-school, my husband and I decided to check out a new coffee shop that opened this summer called the Red Whale Coffee Company. You might be familiar with them as they used to be located in St. Andrews.

The minute we entered we were thrilled! Delicious coffee plus free refills, sandwiches, deserts to drool over, muffins, coffee beans including fair trade beans all roasted on site plus comfy red leather couches to curl up in. Oh, and they assured me that they make wonderful cappuchinos...which I plan to try the next time. I find that with local coffee shops, consistency can be weak and I hope this won't be a problem.

Another thing that impressed me was the time they took to add in features that only a busy parent can appreciate when they try to venture out with their little ones. They have bean bag seats and tables for kids plus the newest little seats for babies that keep them upright. Oh, and the popcorn machine was a nice touch too!

So check it out and discover for yourself this lovely, local coffee shop!

An unexpected kindness

My niece Kristen surprised me late last week with a gift certificate to a hair salon! I could get my hair cut & styled, coloured, highlighted...whatever....I was flabbergasted, overwhelmed, embarrassed, and profoundly moved and appreciative of her amazingly kind and generous gift!

It has been well over a year since I got my hair done...I had been commenting on facebook howI kept meaning to get a haircut on payday...but as everyone knows, after bills, groceries, the needs of four kids, any socializing at all...comes with a cost. So, naturally, you put off doing things for yourself to the next paycheque, but the cycle begins again.

For her to notice that I needed to put myself first, to pamper myself...heck to maintain myself...made me realize that it has to be prioritized and it comes with a price! Somehow, I need to learn to put myself first on certain things...like the gym...going for a walk, eating healthy...rather than worrying that I'm needed somewhere else.

Even writing this I feel like I'm complaining or being ungrateful for my wonderful family and friends...boo hoo wendy is busy! Plus, I am blessed beyond measure to have my wonderful sister who has become my rock of late...and I have all my dearest friends nearby that I love dearly! But Kristen at the wise old age of 14 taught me a lesson. Not to mention, to hear some of the kind things she said about me, well it really touched me and I will cherish her kindness forever!

Thank you Kristen, I can only imagine you will become even more amazing as you transform into a young woman!

Re-making New Brunswick: The Business Agenda

At this point, I am neither for or against the planned proposals to change our universities into polytechnical schools...I do plan to learn about the issue and hopefully, it won't be decided by a powerful few...

This newspaper (NB Telegraph Journal) has given over much of its content in the past few days to the report of the commission on post-secondary education. Brunswick News, an Irving company, finds much favour with the report. ...Last week, days before the report was released, Derek Oland (of the NB Business Council) was heard on radio promoting the concept of a polytechnic in Saint John... The unfolding of the new agenda for post-secondary education looks an awful lot like the unfolding of the energy hub agenda. The business community lines up behind it, Premier Graham comes on side and the primary newspaper in the region dedicates an overwhelming amount of both news and editorial space to convincing us that this is the best thing since sliced bread. It is not an accident that the post-secondary commission recommendations follow many months of public hand-wringing about labour shortages anticipated as the energy hub agenda rolls out. The Premier's self-sufficiency agenda, largely reflecting the priorities of our handful of big businesses, provides the umbrella under which all of this fits. ... Premier Graham has tied his wagon to the Irving horse ...Troubling in all of this is the undercurrent ... that industry should dictate higher education priorities. ...

- Excerpts, Re-making N.B.: the business agenda, NB Telegraph-Journal, 19 Sept 2007, by columnist Janice Harvey, director of the Conservation Council of N.B.

Dodged a bullet

I remember the struggle to have my first child. The seven years of infertility, the seven years of being told it wouldn't happen, the mourning of a child lost that never was....then fast forward to the moment holding that child for the first time...determined to do the best by this obvious gift from God. I remember sitting in the public health office surrounded by other mothers waiting my turn to vaccinate my child. He was two months old...eight weeks or 60 days...a blip on the screen of life.

I remember for the first time feeling fear...wondering was i doing the right thing....I for one, had not done any research into vaccines...and from my difficult pregnancy, I discovered you couldn't always trust doctors as all knowing and all caring.

I submitted to those vaccines. But I went home determined to know more for the next time...I read, I researched, I bought books on the subject and tried to wade through the hysteria on both sides. I came out of it believing that vaccines were neccessary but not at the ages recommended. I learned about thimerisol, i learned about the debates raging...

All I really cared about was how might my decisions affect my children. With my first child I delayed his vaccines, with my second son I delayed them even later and only allowed one at a time with no thimerisol, if any vaccine listed it on the insert, we avoided it. With my third we did not even begin them until he was two and I have followed the same routine with my fourth child and only started at age three. But, I made this choice weighing the risk and benefits which only a parent can do.

With my second son I truly believe that with him, I dodged a bullet. I believe in my heart, had I submitted to the recommended schedule that my son may have developed autism or some of the related disorders. With my second son, he did not read until much later...and it is also why I believe I was meant to homeschool...not so much because my first child didn't like school...but because it allowed me to prepare myself to teach my second son who would have been labelled within the public system...probably to never recover from the labelling. Now, he is a prolific reader who loves learning!

So, I suggest to all parents...don't accept things outright...challenge the status quo and make sure you are doing what is right for your child. How the medical community can belive that one vaccine fits all is beyond me...question all things!

Nothing to say...

For a while now, I feel as though I have so much going on in my head but no way to express how I am thinking or feeling. I'm wading thru some stuff but feel lost to explain how I feel. In fact, I feel silenced. Therefore, I have nothing to write about because every time I try, I fail.

Music, poetry and my sister helps...because I hate feeling like this.

Pre-school for ella...

Today was a big day for Ella...and me! I decided, after much thought and discussion with her dad to register her into a pre-school group. No big deal to many, but I have been homeschooling for 10 years now and if you are a homeschooler you barely give pre-school a thought as they just learn along side their siblings.

I never imagined that I would even contemplate putting her into public school, but in reality, she is a very outgoing little girl and wants little friends. My three sons had each other, but Ella does not have any siblings her age, nor does she have any little friends nearby since we moved here. Don't get me wrong, if I choose to homeschool her, it does not mean she won't have any friends or not be "socialized" but I want to make sure that if she does show a desire to go to school that she doesn't go in cold. Which brought me to this decision.

Homeschooling is a wonderful option and we have truly loved it! Not all of it, but I can't imagine my life any other way than how it has been with my kids close by these last 10 years. However, the boys are all showing an interest now in going to highschool in the fall and I have always said I would honour that request, should they decide.

I'm not interested in joining any homeschool groups and I certainly will never start or run one again...politics and overly sensitive people with issues has left me cold on that one...plus, my time is far to valuable and I no longer feel any desire to serve people in that way.

So, now I will struggle with my own personal issues with the public education system. I worry about the dumbing down of our children and the numbing of their minds to think freely or question much of anything beyond the latest hip hop or mtv music video. I will work along side my kids to insure they do well and hopefully, I may help out in some way to help with the staggering 49% illiteracy rate here in NB. Mainly, I fear that huge machine far more than anything else.

In these days of government running amuck, people spending their way into ruin, depressing world events, churches bickering amongst themselves, religious zealouts on all sides growing by the day, I just want my kids to be able to think on their feet, have a voice, be fearless to live out their life with honour and to question everything!!!

UN Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples

ARE YOU PROUD? Canada one of few expected to vote against the UN
Declaration on the Rights of Indigenous Peoples.

On September 13, 2007, the United Nations General Assembly is scheduled
to consider adoption of the long awaited and much needed Declaration on
the Rights of Indigenous Peoples. Canada is one of only a few countries
planning to vote against it. The Declaration would be a major step
towards eliminating the human rights violations suffered by 370 million
Indigenous people worldwide. The Native Women's Association of Canada is
marching in Montreal today Fri. Sept 7, 2007 alongside the Quebec Native
Women in support of the UN Declaration. Urge Prime Minister Harper to
support the Declaration.

Sign a global petition organized by Grand Council of the Crees and
Amnesty International Canada in support of the Declaration.
www.amnesty.ca/ip_un_petition/UN_indigenous_rights_petition.php

*******

Private Health Care...do you care?

Hi,

On behalf of the New Brunswick Health Coalition, an organization made of various provincial associations, social groups and unions, we send this invitation to make your opinion known to the New Brunswick Minister of Health in reaction to plans to privatize our public health care system.

Myths and Facts:

"Private companies will help reduce health waiting list" - False! There is a shortage of doctors and nurses in New Brunswick. If doctors are permitted to work in private clinics, they will leave our public system, thus creating a shortage of doctors in the public system. Patients will have to wait longer for health care and waiting lists are going to increase. However, citizens who can afford i twill be able to jump the waiting lists by buying health services in private clinics.

"Hospital operating room rental will bring increased revenues for the province" - Who wil pay? Citizens needing an operation get the service free in the public health care system. Why impose fees on citizens of the province for these services? The minister mentioned the possibility of bringing American patients in the province who would pay for their operation. Surgeons who will operate these patients are going to come from the New Brunswick public system. By quitting the public health system, these surgeons will no longer be available to provide service to New Brunswick citizens, contributing to the downgrading of the current health services we are currently enjoying. While well to do foreign patients will get priority, we will have to wait before being operated and suffer the consequences of lack of care.

"The public system is unsustainable and costs are out of control" - False! Since about 1970, the amount we spend on hospital and physician services (i.e. Medicare) has remained stable at between 4% and 4.5% of GDP. The overall increases in health care are due to higher spending on prescription drugs and private care that are not controlled by the government. By controlling these two sectors, the government could bring its health costs down.

"Private insurance companies should participate in our health care system" - At what price for the citizens of this province? New Brunswick recently went through a crisis about insurance costs in the province. The US system demonstrates that private insurances companies are more concerned about their profit than the health of their customers. Are we willing to pay for health insurance when we are now have health care services which are free and accessible to all?

If you decide to write a letter to the minister, make it public by sending a copy to the media.

You can write to the minister at the following address:
Honourable Michael Murphy
Minister of Health
P.O. Box 6000
Fredericton (New Brunswick)
E3B 5H1

If you need help to write your letter or if want more information about the government privatization plans, please contact:
New Brunswick Health Coalition
c/o Florian Levesque
Communications Coordinator
(506) 826-2648
levesflo@nb.sympatico.ca

More information on the health care system: www.healthcoalition.ca/mwte.pdf

My husband's blog...

Finally, my husband has started a blog! For those who know him, we have all "enjoyed" some of his music choices more than others! He is opinionated, funny and sarcastic...I hope all that shows up in his blog!]

You should check it out!

Sinéad O'Connor - Jeremiah-Something Beautiful

This is of her new Theology cd that I am wearing out...

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own (Irish Version)

love the song, love the video!

U2 - Acrobat

I was in a U2 mood today and I love this song...

Authenticity with Guidance

I am in favour of people trying to be as authentic as possible, but given all our personal demons, hurts, fears, wants, wishes and desires, we can't help but be silenced or schackled by people and circumstances.

However, with that said, I still crave the desire to be who I really am called to be minus all the baggage I bring with me. Where does a christian or non-christian go to figure this all out...where does a person like myself find the guidance or direction on how I might better live within the circumstances I find myself.

I would like to think that our churches offers that guidance, including spouse, friends, family, prayer, music, books, poetry, and the Bible...Scripture is a powerful tool...it is a weapon that slices open your wound, sears it, and then applies a salve for healing. Sadly, I don't think there are many churches using scripture as a tool to heal and release people from bondage versus churches that use it to condemn you further into our self-imposed prisons. Or equally bad, scripture used as sound bites to bolster personal idealogies, visions, money grabs or feel good, no accountability sermons. You need only to view what is on the so called "religious channels" to see samples of all of the above.

I think the call to be your "authentic self" can be a dangerous one, especially for the vunerable & weak. Yep, forgive me but I do! Your authentic self is one filled with ugly and nice, gaping, painfilled wounds that need a salve. When you share your uglier side, you better make sure that the person or church body is going to receive your "stuff" and honor your vunerability with the love, awe, honor and grace that it deserves. Watch that they don't shield their eyes, or turn away from your nakedness, do they try to redress it how they think it should look, do they look away in fear, can you take that chance?

Of coure you can...but choose wisely. Don't fall victim to the group mentality of letting it all hang out. There is comfort in sharing...I agree, but you have to weigh the morning after affect...can you live with the reality of sharing your innermost thougts and feelings? Instead, look around to the ones you love and care for. Give them a chance to be there for you. They aren't perfect, they have their stuff too! But, whatever you do, try to judge wisely because sharing your stuff and then not receiving the validation for your pain or suffering can damage you further.

So, for anyone who thinks you can feel safe "revealing" your stuff...I would suggest that you look around. Will those same people be there when you need them, have they been there for you in the past, do you really trust that you won't be discussed over tea...sometimes, our stuff is meant only for you and Jesus. He knows our dark side, he sees our sins...he loves us in spite of our failings. There is nothing we can hide from him...it is us/me who trys to hide from him.

This is part of my lament on authenticity. If we are going to preach it...then there is a responsibility within the church to guide us using scripture on how to live it, not just your own personal version or vision of what authenticity looks like! Using scripture, help us to grow, become accountable, inspired to go further in our lives with the freedom that comes through Jesus. Jesus not only healed people but He taught his people how to live, he never assumed anyone was a mature christian ready to take on the world. We need guidance on how to deal, accept or overcome the things that bind us? How do you reach married couples with real problems, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, spousal or child abuse, anxiety, debts, anger, self-doubt, sadness etc...how do you reach those people through scripture to encourage and inspire acceptance, growth and change within their given situation.

I for one believe it is out there...I see nuggets of it here and there, at my church, within the people of my church, my friends and family, I will struggle on, aching for scripture based guidance on how to be my authentic self without sacrificing others in the process or going down dead end roads searching for the path to freedom.