I've really been pondering things of late. My life has changed so much these last few years and so have I. I really struggled for a while wondering if I could homeschool. I knew my kids needed to be homeschooled because my gut told me so but I didn't know if I had the patience or stamina to do it.
It isn't that I don't enjoy having them around. I guess it was only recently that I realized that I was digging my heels in because as the kids have gotten older I have felt the pressure to "teach" versus my vision of natural learning and day to day moments of discovery.
Looking back, I can't say that I enjoyed school. I know that I did up until we moved here to Canada...nothing against the school system here, just major culture shock and homesickness. Back then being Irish wasn't cool, the accent wasn't cool and certainly my clothing wasn't cool. The whole early experience made me wary and cautious about what I said and how I said it.
But, like most school kids you adapt. I had friends, but I kept my nose in a book in classes. I never went anywhere without a book. I spent mindless hours on school buses and resented every moment. I skipped school when I could to be anywhere but cooped up and bossed around by boring teachers and boring subjects.
I did have some amazing teachers as we all have. They are the ones that make the difference, shape your future and you will remember them forever. Which brings me back to my current thoughts. I realized that I was struggling with resentment in having to relearn subjects that "I" considered stupid or a waste of time or worse...I just didn't like them and doubted that I was dedicated enough to relearn them.
Take geometry. I know I am smart enough to master geometry. I remember learning it and I know I passed it. But mostly, all I really remember is all of us sitting in rows in a silent dismal class with Miss A. sitting up front glaring straight down at us daring any of us to speak or sneak a note to one another.
The major realization for me is the understanding and acceptance of the fact that I can and will learn this stuff "again" in the quest to provide my kids with a well rounded education. With a math master as a husband and his dire warnings that math is the international language I realize its importance.
However, I'm still not sold on the idea that we have to teach our kids every single subject and teach it well in the prescribed manner set up as scope and sequence. So far, I have only had one child fit that slot and acutally he doesn't because in the earlier years he was way ahead and remains so.
Even though highschool looms close I still believe that when my kids see the need for certain skills they will learn. That being said, they will be ready for university (hoping and praying that is their choice) and I am putting complete faith that the Lord will guide me as my children change and grow.
There are so many areas in life that I value. I love how my kids saw us struggle to build two houses and with the next one actually help us frame it up. I want them to understand that we live in this neighbourhood not because we fit in financially but because it was a wise investment for our future. I don't want them to make financial mistakes as we did. Money sense will be a subject in this house. Cooking is another subject that holds importance, then gardening, that is very relevant. Giving of themselves. Volunteering within the community will be a requirement.
Oh, and independence...from herd mentality. The one area I hope I have nurtured is their ability to think on their feet. To step aside from the herd and ask is this right for me, is this something Jesus would do, would my parents approve?
They are destined to blaze their own trail....I just pray they do it on their own terms....
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
A Great Quote
"We are not called to the easy life. You either carry your cross, or you're crushed under the weight of it."
~ James Caviezel
~ James Caviezel
Monday, January 02, 2006
The Awakening
I found this on a website and you may have seen it before. It spoke to me.
"The Awakening"
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
"The Awakening"
A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out...ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on.
Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings, and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you... and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself... and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you - or didn't do for you - and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself... and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties... and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people... and you learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
Happy New Year 2006
What a relief that the holidays are over. I feel wrung out to dry. It was weird...I was so grateful and happy to have my family around me yet I couldn't stop thinking about the Christmas before when all those people died due to the Tsunami....so sad.
I've been in this house for 6 weeks and I still feel a bit shell shocked with all that I had to pull off.
I've been in this house for 6 weeks and I still feel a bit shell shocked with all that I had to pull off.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
Parenting Advice???
I personally don't mind advice on parenting...even if it comes from someone who hasn't actually raised their own children. Some people have a heart and understanding of children that supercedes the parenting experience.
If parenting knowledge is limited to those who have children then heaven help us as there are is sea of dysfunctional parents raising children and their claim to fame is "that's my child" and or "it didn't hurt me and I turned out fine!" The Ezzo's jump to mind immediately for creating great havoc within the Christian community.
Like you, I sit up and listen when I admire the children of a particular family. I am always curious as to what they did and how. But it only makes up one part of the picture. There is a lot of psychology built into raising a child well. Obviously, our home situation and our own childhood history plays an integral part...but as adults we have to be open to change in our own pre-conceived ideas of parenting.
Understanding how our children learn both intellectually, spiritually and emotionally into strong, healthy human beings is an ongoing process.I must also add that I find it refreshing to find a Christian book that doesn't promote, encourage and abdicate physical punishment as the biblical way! I will gladly read a refreshing take on Christian parenting that supports my own parenting philosophy and what I believe Jesus wants for my children.
From there, I try to learn and do better as my children change and grow and if that is from a book written by someone who may not have their own children...well, I will keep that in my thoughts as I weigh what they have to say.
If parenting knowledge is limited to those who have children then heaven help us as there are is sea of dysfunctional parents raising children and their claim to fame is "that's my child" and or "it didn't hurt me and I turned out fine!" The Ezzo's jump to mind immediately for creating great havoc within the Christian community.
Like you, I sit up and listen when I admire the children of a particular family. I am always curious as to what they did and how. But it only makes up one part of the picture. There is a lot of psychology built into raising a child well. Obviously, our home situation and our own childhood history plays an integral part...but as adults we have to be open to change in our own pre-conceived ideas of parenting.
Understanding how our children learn both intellectually, spiritually and emotionally into strong, healthy human beings is an ongoing process.I must also add that I find it refreshing to find a Christian book that doesn't promote, encourage and abdicate physical punishment as the biblical way! I will gladly read a refreshing take on Christian parenting that supports my own parenting philosophy and what I believe Jesus wants for my children.
From there, I try to learn and do better as my children change and grow and if that is from a book written by someone who may not have their own children...well, I will keep that in my thoughts as I weigh what they have to say.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
September.....New Possibilites
You know, the one thing I have learned about homeschooling is to expect the unexpected. I find that homeschooling humbles me...living with your kids 24/7 being privy to their moods and needs and wants on a continual basis can leave you swinging from great highs to great lows.
Being responsible for their education can be daunting...no matter what way you choose to do it. Just when you think you have it all figured out you discover you know nothing! Those darn kids go and change on you and disrupt your best laid plans.
I think the only consistent thing I have done in homeschooling is to be inconsistent. Yet, overall, they are learning...albeit, maybe not to your standards or your neighbours or gasp the "public system" but they do learn and they learn well! So far, they all test grades ahead on the CAT's.
I still have mini panic attacks worrying that somehow this is all for nothing. They may grow up and become disfunctional adults looking for therapy to recover from their time spent at home with their mother. Worse than that...falling into a dead end job, no further ahead than if they had gone the traditional route.
However, even with all the anxiety and stress that comes with this journey I am still glad I'm doing it. I wouldn't trade one single morning where we all loll about and discuss our day or whatever snippet that comes out of their head.
I don't know how they could have ever been as close as they are or as close to their baby sister. This time is such a gift...while your in the midst of another crazy day or another day of the same ole same ole...you don't see the movie being created in your head.
But sit quietly at the end of your day and run through the moments...the laughter, the jokes, the moments when you made a difference and yes the stressful moments and the tears that do come too...it is far grander than any movie or television show. It is the simple and the mundane that you will miss as they grow. You will suddenly get a glimpse into the past and feel the sting of wishing for one more moment, one more snuggle or one more nap together...one more messy kitchen from making pancakes in the morning...one more opportunity to wrap them in a towel as you lift them from the tub.
Now I see glimpses of the men they are to become. I see the strength in their eyes...the firmness in their step. I notice the extra time spent fixing their hair, matching their clothes, or remembering to bring their music wherever they go. I am enjoying the quiet conversations...the shared thoughts and hopes of their young minds. I feel so priviledged to be a part of this...I only pray that I won't screw them up to much with my own emotions or my own inability to keep up with them.
I realized that I am struggling with letting go of my not so little boys who are ready to start letting me go. I see the realization in their eyes that their parents actually have flaws....I'm not used to that! Used to be a cookie and a hug fixed most things...beyond that...$5 did the trick! Now I see that their needs are deeper, our responses have to be more thoughtful and considerate of where they are at...it is hard...but I want to mature with them...
Being responsible for their education can be daunting...no matter what way you choose to do it. Just when you think you have it all figured out you discover you know nothing! Those darn kids go and change on you and disrupt your best laid plans.
I think the only consistent thing I have done in homeschooling is to be inconsistent. Yet, overall, they are learning...albeit, maybe not to your standards or your neighbours or gasp the "public system" but they do learn and they learn well! So far, they all test grades ahead on the CAT's.
I still have mini panic attacks worrying that somehow this is all for nothing. They may grow up and become disfunctional adults looking for therapy to recover from their time spent at home with their mother. Worse than that...falling into a dead end job, no further ahead than if they had gone the traditional route.
However, even with all the anxiety and stress that comes with this journey I am still glad I'm doing it. I wouldn't trade one single morning where we all loll about and discuss our day or whatever snippet that comes out of their head.
I don't know how they could have ever been as close as they are or as close to their baby sister. This time is such a gift...while your in the midst of another crazy day or another day of the same ole same ole...you don't see the movie being created in your head.
But sit quietly at the end of your day and run through the moments...the laughter, the jokes, the moments when you made a difference and yes the stressful moments and the tears that do come too...it is far grander than any movie or television show. It is the simple and the mundane that you will miss as they grow. You will suddenly get a glimpse into the past and feel the sting of wishing for one more moment, one more snuggle or one more nap together...one more messy kitchen from making pancakes in the morning...one more opportunity to wrap them in a towel as you lift them from the tub.
Now I see glimpses of the men they are to become. I see the strength in their eyes...the firmness in their step. I notice the extra time spent fixing their hair, matching their clothes, or remembering to bring their music wherever they go. I am enjoying the quiet conversations...the shared thoughts and hopes of their young minds. I feel so priviledged to be a part of this...I only pray that I won't screw them up to much with my own emotions or my own inability to keep up with them.
I realized that I am struggling with letting go of my not so little boys who are ready to start letting me go. I see the realization in their eyes that their parents actually have flaws....I'm not used to that! Used to be a cookie and a hug fixed most things...beyond that...$5 did the trick! Now I see that their needs are deeper, our responses have to be more thoughtful and considerate of where they are at...it is hard...but I want to mature with them...
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Socialization....
This is from the online June 14th Mallard Fillmore comic strip:
"New studies show that, contrary to popular mythology.....the average home-schooled child has no problem 'socializing' with other children......as long as he remembers to use smaller words and shorter sentences."
"New studies show that, contrary to popular mythology.....the average home-schooled child has no problem 'socializing' with other children......as long as he remembers to use smaller words and shorter sentences."
Saturday, August 27, 2005
After A While....
Just had to share this beautiful poem....
After A While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...
After A While
by Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman, not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn with every goodbye, you learn...
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