Tuesday, May 14, 2013
You know, I will never be that person whom someone would identify as a"good Christian". I so often feel my failings, regret my quick opinions, my anger that sits under the surface ready to rise up when I encounter everything from slow drivers, slow check out lines to blatant injustice, power plays or fake individuals. I wear my failings quite well.
I continually have to keep handing over my angst to God and ask him to forgive me my negative thoughts and words. I need to put my head down and concentrate on where God has placed me in the present. I am blessed and strengthened by great people around me, a church that though not perfect has a huge heart and a caring, strong pastor. I need to love my wonderful husband and kids more, my family, my close friends who stick by me, and the amazing people I meet almost daily through my volunteer work. They are my inspirations...be it people that I am blessed to serve or those who work along side me to those who come up and stuff money into my hand to help buy food.
I was feeling strangled lately by my inability to lay down my heartache for the kids in our area who live in situations that would leave you breathless. I have washed and fed little ones that you know are going home to situations that would break your heart. But, through prayers of faithful friends and sharing my sadness with those close to me, I was reminded by Jesus that I need to lay it down and trust him. I can only do what I can do. I can't fix the situations but I can love these people and do the best I can.
I always silently pray to myself that I...this woefully inadequate, cracked, flawed individual somehow shows through serving others the amazing love that Jesus Christ has for them. So many people believe they are unworthy of forgiveness or love from God...I hope that I can somehow express to them that God loves them exactly where they are at...He did that for me.