Why can't Christmas ever satisfy? I anticipate Christmas each and every year. I believe in the magic of christmas, I believe in the majesty of Christ's birth, yet, each and every year I find myself feeling sad, depressed, lonely, disappointed, tired, discouraged, aching for more, knowing I am missing out, knowing somehow I must be deficient because I do not feel privy to the magical feeling that so many people talk about.
I have come to the realization that christmas is a series of moments in amongst the hard work and worry. It is the intangible moments I live for...yet, my soul yearns for something deeper...I want to feel the enormity of God's great gift to mankind. Yet, in amongst the shopping, cleaning, cooking, bill paying, worries, world events, the suffering of so many, the general stuff of life, it gets lost.
I envy those with time...I want to be doing something real and tangible...I want to be amongst the needy rather than those who think they need...I'm tired of the whining of our generation. The grandiose talk and little to no action...and yes, I hold myself in that camp! I know that caring for my children, family and friends is important...especially my children...but the ache, the palatible urge to do more burns deep within.
Maybe 2008 will be my year for making a difference. Doing something meaningful, where I know that my efforts are appreciated, that I can bring a smile, a feeling of love and warmth to another human being...someone who truly is deserving....I am coming to the conclusion that I won't find Jesus in some of the places I have been spending time...they seem to be dead ends...I have a feeling I will meet Jesus on the street...am I ready, am I able?