Change

You can feel it, feel it moving closer, you try to run ahead, duck, hide, but change is coming and you can't stop it.  It is like a train gathering speed.  I'm afraid.

Choosing to be Thankful!

There are so many things this past year that have been both sad and tragic.  But, with Thanksgiving this weekend and feeling conflicted on even acknowledging the holiday, I realized that I have so much to be thankful for and appreciative.  It is the hard times, the sorrow, that builds our muscles so to speak; to find joy in this life even when inside you're weeping.  It make us appreciate people and the little things of life that make us happy.

Hindsight

Hindsight is one of those things that can spur change and crush your spirit all at the same time.  If we only knew how precious time is, how choices and decisions we make reach into the future to either soothe us or wound us.  Would we do it differently, would we prioritize people and relationships over others?  All we can do is make the best choices we can with what we know; and do our best.  Sometimes as the saying goes, "your best just isn't good enough" but often it is all we have in the moment and on this crazy journey of life.

Have you seen this Child?? The answer is YES!

Have you seen this child...they are everywhere in your local community...often coming from homes with poverty, parents with addictions, abuse, mental health issues, single parents, the list goes on.

What you have to ask yourself is why we can ignore them??  Why we can justify the latest cool gadget or latte and yet we can't find time or money to support local charities or churches who try to help these children.  

Sorry if I sound cranky today...but I'm tired of hearing from well meaning people that they can't deal with looking at these poor little ones...they would have trouble sleeping...maybe what they really mean is that they don't want to feel bad.  Ignorance is bliss. 

“Never worry about numbers. Help one person at a time and always start with the person nearest you.”

ABC's

This is what age must learn about:
The ABC of dying.
The going, yet not going,
The loving and leaving,
And the unbearable knowing and knowing” 
― E.B. White

Seeing through a Glass Darkly

We walk through this life making choices every day, hoping that the choices you make, the direction you are going is the right one.  You wake up each day believing you have enough time in your day to be with the ones you love and care about and if you don't there is always tomorrow or the weekend.  Why do we presume this?

In an instant all the choices you have made, the time you invested into things or people that you believed were important come up short when faced with the reality of how fragile our time is here on this earth.  You realize that we can only see what is in front of us today yet we live our lives as if the future is wide open, ours to manage and fill.  We can't presume anything about the future.  You can hope for the future, you can live your life believing in a future, yet acknowledging how limited our view into the future is.

If we knew how much time each of us have would we live differrently?  How would we choose to live?  As a mother whose children have grown in what seems like an instant, I feel time passing me by and I realize as these children grow up that I lose control of their life.  It was our job to keep our children safe, to keep them healthy and happy.  Now I see how limited our control really was.  Life happens, and when reality hits it will take your breath away.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.  1 Cor. 13:12 KJV

Fragile

As days speed up, you realize that time stands still for no one.  We have no control over those we love, no control over those we love from a far, nor those we think we will one day reconnect with.  Time is fleeting, life is fragile.

Shane

Magee, Shane - Death

MAGEE, SHANE - June 25, 2013, in Canada, beloved only son of Bill and Joan Magee, 14 Ganiamore Avenue, Portrush. Will always be lovingly remembered and so sadly missed by his family and many friends here and in Canada. A Service to remember Shane's life will be held in Portstewart Baptist Church on Tuesday 2nd July at 7.00 p.m. Donations, if desired, can be given to Foyle Search and Rescue (Suicide Prevention), c/o Miss Alison Wade, 3 Upper Abbey Street, Coleraine, BT52 1BF. In Heaven God will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. Rev. 21 v. 4.

•  Added: 01/07/2013

"Entre Nous"

We are secrets to each other
Each one's life a novel
No one else has read
Even joined in bonds of love
We're linked to one another
By such slender threads

We are planets to each other
Drifting in our orbits
To a brief eclipse
Each of us a world apart
Alone and yet together
Like two passing ships

[Chorus:]
Just between us
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow

We are strangers to each other
Full of sliding panels
An illusion show
Acting well rehearsed routines
Or playing from the heart?
It's hard for one to know

[Chorus]

We are islands to each other
Building hopeful bridges
On a troubled sea
Some are burned or swept away
Some we would not choose
But we're not always free

Rush

You know, I will never be that person whom someone would identify as a"good Christian".  I so often feel my  failings, regret my quick opinions, my anger that sits under the surface ready to rise up when I encounter everything from slow drivers, slow check out lines to blatant injustice, power plays or fake individuals.  I wear my failings quite well.

I continually have to keep handing over my angst to God and ask him to forgive me my negative thoughts and words.  I need to put my head down and concentrate on where God has placed me in the present.  I am blessed and strengthened by great people around me, a church that though not perfect has a huge heart and a caring, strong pastor.  I need to love my wonderful husband and kids more, my family, my close friends who stick by me, and the amazing people I meet almost daily through my volunteer work.  They are my inspirations...be it people that I am blessed to serve or those who work along side me to those who come up and stuff money into my hand to help buy food.

I was feeling strangled lately by my inability to lay down my heartache for the kids in our area who live in situations that would leave you breathless.  I have washed and fed little ones that you know are going home to situations that would break your heart.  But, through prayers of faithful friends and sharing my sadness with those close to me, I was reminded by Jesus that I need to lay it down and trust him.  I can only do what I can do.  I can't fix the situations but I can love these people and do the best I can.

I always silently pray to myself that I...this woefully inadequate, cracked, flawed individual somehow shows through serving others the amazing love that Jesus Christ has for them.  So many people believe they are unworthy of forgiveness or love from God...I hope that I can somehow express to them that God loves them exactly where they are at...He did that for me.

Sinead O'Connor & Mental Health

I love Sinead O'Connor...and when she blasted onto the music scene we were both the same age, I loved her music, her angst, her in your face attitude and opinions and I still do!  I just had to share this because I have never seen anything so beautifully written about how people with mental health issues are treated by those around them.  Sinead O'Connor suffers from depression and bi-polar so she especially can speak on the subject.

Sinead to Play Benefit Concert....
Sinead returns to live work with an acoustic gig to raise funds and awareness for Irish mental health charity Mad Pride. The show will take place in Cork at The Triskel Arts Centre on the 19th of October….

She said: “I’m delighted to be taking part in this event as sufferers of mental illness are in my opinion the most vulnerable people in our country and stigma around mental illness is crushing.
We live in a society where ‘crazy’ is a term of abuse. where if you have a mental illness, too often that fact will be used as something with which to abuse and dismiss you.
I don’t mind having a mental illness. But I do mind having it used as something abusive people can bash me with. And I deeply mind how daily that takes place.
I’m hoping by being involved in stigma breaking, not only will my life in ireland improve but that the lives of other sufferers may improve also.
We are people for whom self esteem can be difficult. And being lashed by stigma doesn’t help.
I like what mad pride are doing because we should be proud of ourselves and not allow other peoples lack of knowledge or understanding bring us down or Shame us.
Let’s put the fun back in dysfunctional.”

I also love Glenn Close...one of my favourite actors!

Before you speak to me about your religion, first show it to me in how you treat other people; before you tell me how much you love your God, show me in how much you love all His children; before you preach to me of your passion for your faith, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbors. In the end, I'm not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give. - Cory Booker (Mayor of Newark, NJ)

Homeless...

Homeless Cuddling Dog -by Kirsten Bole 

Today a man came into our church pantry looking for help.  All he wanted was some dog food for his dog.  He was homeless, living in his van and he said he had enough food to get by but he needed food for his dog.  I can't get this out of my head.  I still see him climbing back into his beat up van.

I feel sad tonight...frustrated that I can't do more, that I have to limit how much food a person can get because we can't keep up, because the need is so great, because they are outside our struggling little church zone, because so many people think feeding the poor is a choice.

Ouch...

“When a poor person dies of hunger it has not happened because God did not take care of him or her. It has happened because neither you nor I wanted to give that person what he or she needed.”
― Mother Teresa

It is better to be divided by truth than united in error.

It is better to seek truth that hurts and then heals than to speak a lie and remain in bondage.

It is better to be hated for telling the truth than to be loved for telling a lie.

It is better to stand alone in the truth than to stand with many in deception.

If something is true it can stand to be questioned and if it is not then it needs to be!

I had written this in my journal but didn't write down the author.  I tried to find the original author but it seems to be linked to many authors....

your best isn't always good enough....

I have four children that have been my sole passion for so many years.  Every decision from breastfeeding, cloth diapering, homemade baby food to homeschooling, food, toys, tv shows, music...everything has been front and center for me.  My goal was always to raise my children to be healthy and as free from childhood baggage, to give them as idyllic childhood that I could and within that, the love, hugs, kisses and trust that they gave me freely was my fuel when I felt overwhelmed with motherhood and the high expectations I put on myself.

I remember having this aha moment maybe a year or two ago...I realized that my kids now saw me as the flawed individual that I am.  That choosing the right movie was no replacement for losing my temper with my kids.  That picking juice as a snack drink instead of pop did not offer me a guarantee that they would believe as I believe in the future.  All my high ideals to give them the best was minimized when you finally really see each child as free to make their own choices, and they may not be what you would choose.  I was discovering that my kids were incredibly individual and they were on their own path and all I can do is guide them, love them and pray for them. 

I have one kid who sees no real benefit in studying to hard since the high achieving NB Education system does not count your marks as important until grade 11.  How do you fight such a lame attitude???  He feeds my fear of mediocrity and the dumbing down of our children to be sheeps in a system geared to raise a generation of people who do not question...I may see a future that will be a huge challenge to the young people of today, many who will need to take up the mantle to solve some huge problems and to stand firm in their convictions!  He may see a life as being a creator of the latest video games...ack!!!!  All I can do is encourage, set limits and trust in the big picture which is hidden from me right now.

I think I am realizing that you can only do your best and your best may not be good enough..and that is for all things, not just raising your children.  We are all on this journey of life and and we all need to blaze our own trails.  I have this wonderful little boy who comes into the food pantry at church.  His name is Donovan and he has been visiting each week to receive some new books that I give him to read and some treats such as drinking boxes, granola bars, etc.. He has stolen my heart because here is this kid coming in each week, his coat is old, my offers for new mitts are refused, today I even zippered his coat for him before he left into the -17 temperatures...he leads me to wonder about his future.  Often people can rise above their tough upbringings and many times not.  I can only do the small amount that I'm doing for this little boy and pray that it reminds him that people do care, he is important and that God loves him.

I'm bad for having 3-4 books on the go, I often read a topic based on my mood.  Well, this book is amazing and I'm loving it and it suits all my moods!  It doesn't just appeal to me because I was born in Ireland, but because it encompasses all aspects of Celtic Christianity.  So much has been lost that was good in favour of conformity to one way.  This book reminds me of a more grass roots, instinctive way of sharing God's love.

This book stressed how actions speak louder than words, that Christianity is caught more than taught, and that the most powerful tool for evangelism is Christian hospitality. Hunter painted a beautiful picture of the the Church as the Gathered Community. How do we move from buildings and programs to this kind of understanding of ourselves - and not just by knowing it but by living it?

The Real Work of Christmas - Love

December was insane for me...all the voluteer work that I have been involved in this past year along with a new job, backed up into Christmas in the most insane way. I spent many a days fighting off anxiety attacks, but thankfully it all worked out, I fulfilled all my responsibilities and I hope made a small difference in people's Christmas.

More so than ever, today feels new. Church was good today, I felt like we moved our walls to make room for more people. I really hope that in 2012 I can continue on in where God is taking me, that I can keep His plans front and center and ignore the stuff around me that can tear me down. This little poem from the blog Celtic Treasure says it all....

When the last present has been opened
and the last mouth fed.
When weariness lays like a blanket over all mankind -
The real work of Christmas begins:

To seek the lost
To support the lonely
To feed the starving
To shelter the homeless
To console the broken
To love the unlovely
To pray for peace
To...
LOVE.


(c) Liz Babbs

I love this image and its message.  I see it in layers...so often people in need fade into the surroundings, we walk by them unseen.  We sit beside them in churches, walk by them sleeping on park benches or pushing strollers in the street.  We avert our eyes or turn our heads when our conscience tells us that someone is in need.

If someone is bold enough to ask for money we'll throw in a toonie and call it a day!  We can pat ourselves on the back and say to ourselves aren't we kind, non-judgemental.  Or, we'll donate our cans to the food bank during Christmas parades or public events and the food bank will have to be diligent to make sure the food isn't out of date and expired.

We'll vote during elections, yet rarely ask our candidates about low income housing, social benefits, or laws that protect children from sexual predators & abusers.

We bemoan kids roaming the streets or pity the homeless teen but rarely step out of our comfortable homes and routines to offer a hand to the organizations that struggle to stay open to help these kids.  If you can't give your time then give them your money.  When was the last time you wrote your local/provincial/federal politician to say you want change?  You want more low income housing, you want empty buildings donated to great charities that help people, you want programs in place to allow low income teens to have tutors and opportuities to continue their education beyond highschool...tell them!

Yet, I believe in change, I believe in the incredible goodness of mankind.  I believe in the people around me. We often feel stuck not knowing where to start or how to help.  We feel that one can of soup that we could donate won't make a difference.  Yet, if everyone realized that every small step forward on the path to change does cause a ripple effect.  You might be the person that starts by donating a can of soup only to later open a soup kitchen and feed the multitudes.  You might be that teacher or nurse or neighbour who sees someone hurting and reach out to them and make a difference.  You might be the letter that reaches the right politician that inspires them to take up a cause!

Believe in change!

"Faith has nothing to do with feelings or with impressions, with improbabilities or with outward experiences. If we desire to couple such things, then we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith needs nothing of the kind. Faith rests on the naked Word of God. When we take Him at His word, the heart is at peace." George Muller